As of late I’ve realized that I suffer from lalochezia.Maybe suffer isn’t quite the right word, since I rather enjoy spewing expletives whenI have some steam to blow off. The more I think about it, the more I can picture myselfdoing it on a regular basis. Confined almost solely to the workplace, I think at leasttwice a week I go into an under-the-breath tirade where every other word pretty muchguarantees my ticket to hell. Although I’m a firm believer that foul language is uninspiredand lazy, I think it has its place when used creatively. I’m not offended by the wordsper se, I just think they’re so limiting when trying to express yourself. Anyway,I’m gonna get going since right about now I’m slowly realizing that maybe I spendtoo much time analyzing foul language. I should have seen this a month ago after inventingthe “curseword meeting game.”

Check out the new webcam link on the nav menu. I should havethe cam on during the day at work if you catch that hankering to see what I’m up to(or at least which button-down I chose to wear today) Also included is my cube-neighborChris’ webcam. If you’re lucky you may even catch me wearing the lei or Burger Kingcrown while programming my ass off at work. It’s sad the lengths I’ll go to in orderto amuse myself. Oh, and if you asknicely, I’ll even give you a webcam tour of my cube. Rumor has it that the TReNDprogrammers just got dual flat screen LCD monitors :) Ahh I love my job.

The party has concludedand thankfully, no one died. To me, that’s a success. (that and we didn’t run outof beer) Although there was no puking, my boozehound brother did find a way to bleedall over my walls, his girlfriend’s clothes, and my front door. The place looked likea minor crime scene. I still don’t know what really happened, but the plausible theoriessurround either punching someone, cutting himself with a knife (damn I knew that anchoringballoons with a steak knife wasn’t a good idea), or some type of battle with a flamingtiki torch. Thanks to everyone that helped out to make Kelso’s First Annual Tiki Partya success. My brother played master fabricator for the party building a beer pongtable and tiki sign that looked amazing. Thanks to Butch for pimpin out the backyardand makin that last minute run to Lowes with me. Oh, and lest we forget the amazingAlyssa for not only entertaining the crowd, running out for ketchup, but best of all,spending a good amount of the night sitting on my lap. Josh and David brought thegreatest booze, curiously named “Yucca” (if I’m even spelling it right). I never knewvodka, lemon, and sugar could taste that good. Shana and Mich-”ro”-chelle saved theday with charcoal. Thanks girls, without it we probably would have continued to cookon the gas grill that was literally spitting flames out the bottom and onto the propanetank. All that’s left to see if I’m going to be evicted. And if I do, I place theblame solely on my brother who couldn’t understand the concept of a semi-chill stereovolume. Every time I’d turn that thing down to 32, he’d sneak back and turn it upto over 40. I’d say the only thing missing from the party were Frank The Tank andstreaking through the quad. My “Bacardi gras” Jester hat did make an appearance though.I have no idea what that has to do with a Hawaiian themed party, but at the time itseemed logical to me. I don’t even remember putting it on. Too many jello shots Iguess. (which by the way were criticized for being too strong) If I had to pick myfavorite part of the party, I’d say it was tapping the keg. Since they’ve been bannedat penn state I hadn’t even seen one in years. Thank goodness I caught Butch tryingto tap it inside the house. Apparently the kiddies don’t remember the good old daysof spraying everything within a fifty foot radius with beer whilst trying to connectthe tap. And that’s what made it the best experience of the night. When I tapped itoutside I literally covered myself with beer. And it was great. All at once it broughtback so many memories of pledging, partying, and basically smelling like a fraternityhouse. That smell is third on my list of reminiscent scents. Number two is the SigmaChi First and Second Floor Bathroom smell, and Number one I’m gonna keep to myself.So thanks to everyone. If you couldn’t make it, I hope you can attend the Kelso Brother’sSecond Annual Tiki Party. (and yes, I’m still taking donations for the next one youcheapskates)

So thisSaturday is the First Annual Tiki Party being thrown by the Kelso Brothers. If you’rereading this, then feel free to stop by. My main dilemma right now is how much beerto buy. My instincts are leaning towards a keg, but logistically I could see gettingby with a quarter keg and maybe a 30 pack. I guess it all depends on how much thechicks drink and heated the beer pong is. I’ve turned to The Guesstimator, but obviously(as the name implies) it still feels like guessing. Any advice is welcome … I’mused to college life where the last time we bought kegs we got eight of them.

I’ve been writing regular expressions for work lately and I’m convinced that they’re rotting my mind; or at least transforming it. A regular expression is a set of symbols used to match patterns in text and replace them if needed. For example, most recently I wrote one to pick out links in HTML that contained a custom attribute. It went something like this: (?:<StartTag><a\s+[^>]*hide\s*=\s*”"true”"[^>]*>)(?<Name>[^>]*)(?:<EndTag></a>). Other examples are \d{3}-\d{2}-\d{4} for a social security number and ((\(\d{3}\) ?)|(\d{3}-))?\d{3}-\d{4} for a phone number.So right now you’re thinking “so what, bfd, what’s your point?” My point is that these regular expressions are extremely confusing to read and interpret. Once I thought they were even impossible to decipher.Which brings me to The Matrix. While I really like both movies, my only contention is with that stupid green code that runs along their computer screens. I sit in the theater and laugh at how someone can ascertain that Trinity jumped out a window again justby looking at falling characters on a screen. Actually, I used to laugh, nowI’d argue that the Matrix code is analogous to regular expressions. If I can lookat \w+([-+.]\w+)*@\w+([-.]\w+)*\.\w+([-.]\w+)* and see an email address, maybe farfar into the future someone can look at streaming green code and see people beatingthe crap out of each other. Sorry for all the verbose point-making today. The nextpost will be back to mindless, I promise.

I’ve been thinking lately about which approach would be better to take with this site. Option 1 would be to only post when something worthwhile has happened. (ie: I got a promotion, broke my personal land speed record, kissed a girl, Josh kissed a girl, etc … ) Obviously the frequency of these updates would happen … uh … infrequently. Ideally this would ensure that only worthwhile content made it to the site. Option 2 would be to make a point of posting each and every day for the sake of consistency. (ie: I had a salad for lunch today, regular expressions are the bane of my programming existence, and of course lets not forget that I kissed a girl) Yes, most of these things would add to the meaningless drivel that already overruns the site, but rest assured there’d be something new to read everyday.

I’ve been thinking of moving cubes lately. The advantage would be that I’d gain a window seat and an oh-so coveted Right Handed Desk. The Right Handed Desks are so important to me because right now I sit all day with my right (mouse) arm hanging off the side of my desk. Ergo inflicting a musculo-skeletal disorder upon myself. The only caveat to moving is that I hear the windows seats heat up, and I’d also have a pseudo cube neighbor. Right now I have the luxury of not having anyone in my immediate or peripheral vision, so I can bounce to music, sing, or put my head down without anyone leering at me. (On a side note, Chris, my possible cube neighbor is definitely the perverted voyeuristic type.)So then today he sends me these “rules” for neighboring his cube:Moving into the cube next to me will require adhering to the following rules:

1. “Good morning” will be uttered each morning, in an audible, friendly tone regardless of mood or state of caffeine-level.
2. Music will be kept to a low-level or using headphones. If other cube mate can hear the music and doesn’t like the current song, he has the right to ask the other to turn it down or completely off.
3. Conversations may be cut off at any moment with a simple, “Get back to work.” No questions asked – however that conversation may be picked back up after 60 minutes of work.
4. Should one person fall asleep, they will be allowed to sleep without incident for a period of no less than 60 minutes. After said time, the sleeper may be woken up with any means possible without drawing blood.
5. Food shall be offered one time, per new food container, without hesitation. If a food item is not liked, it shall be noted so it is never offered again and becomes exempt from this rule.
6. “Good night”, “Later”, and “Bye” are sufficient salutations when one cube mate leaves the office for the day. Tone is of no consequence after a day here.

These rules are open to amendment by senior cube member at any time, without warrantand without notice. While these rules are not outlandish, what makes him the “SeniorCube Member”? If I remember correctly, I’ve been here since the dawn of cubes. I havea feeling if I do move I’m not going to be the only one around here with musculo-skeletalpain.

Ok, how comeno one told me I was getting fat? Only now have I just recently realized this :-/